A Man Alone

Part Two: Mercy

He sat in reflective silence for a moment. Kaiya had vague memories of a woman called Mercy, but never really knew much about her, though Arant remembered her with a bit more clarity. Or rather, he remembered about her, he'd never really met her.

"I think, really, that Mercy and I were a perfect match. I know I was in love with her from the moment I saw her... But that was dangerous. Love was forbidden in that world, it was a weakness no one could afford. And that aside, Dad still hated women. I'd had a few girlfriends before, but anyone it looked like I was even vaguely serious about would... Disappear.

"But Mercy... She described herself as an 'escaped Clanswoman,' when asked. She grew up in Ahdab, was one of you nomads," he said to Arant. "I guess she was just bored with the whole lifestyle, she wanted something else for herself. And when she had been pretty fully trained, she ran away, found herself in a real city for the first time. But Mercy wasn't stupid and she wasn't unprepared. She could use a fucking broadsword as well as anyone I've ever seen—except you, Arant—and she had all of that Clan knowledge. Stuff we'd wanted to know for years.

"They say there's no better drugs than the stuff that comes out of Ahdab, the stuff you guys use for medicine. But almost no one could get it, since no one but you nomads knew how the stuff was made, and you weren't exactly volunteering to show anyone else. Dad wanted to corner that market for years, but had no luck until Mercy showed up.

"She got her name from the drug she sold... Her real name was something like Mhyrica Thlestar Shayyis, but she always made fun of us for not being able to say it right."

"I can see why," Arant commented, then rattled off a string of syllables that sounded very vaguely like what Daevan had said. "I wouldn't expect an outsider to be able to say it right."

"Yeah. Neither did she. She was good at what she did, though... She did her research, found out what happens to girls who work for the Bladedancers, decided she didn't want that to happen to her. So when she contacted us about her drugs, she made it very clear that she'd create it on her own, we only got to sell it. Profit was equal, too, she wasn't going to get taken advantage of. Dad didn't take her seriously until she sent his negotiator back without a limb.

"She was amazing. If it had been up to me, she'd have been Squad, but that was one rule I wasn't going to break. Women were never Squad members, no matter how good they were. And she was good, damned good... Dad took her seriously after that. Had me send a few Squad members out to deal with her, try and intimidate her... One thing I can say for you nomads is that you're fucking hard to scare. She gave them a sample and that was it, when one tried to knife her, she showed just how good she was with a knife herself.

"I imagine the look on his face was probably amusing. He wasn't a big loss anyway, though, one of Kain's."

"She killed him?"

"No. She's meaner than that. Mercy castrated the guy."

"She did what?" Kara demanded.

"She had a knife and she... You know, I'd rather not think about it too much. But he was never much use after that, and it forced Dad to take her seriously. He agreed to let her in as a drug dealer, so long as a tight reign was kept on her... He hated the thought of giving that much power to a woman, but didn't have a choice. He wanted her skills that badly.

"So I ended up with the job of keeping her under our control, and from the first time I met her, I was... She... I was just head over heals. I'd never met anyone like her before; she was gorgeous, and she was brilliant and as vicious as I was and just as sure of herself, and... If we'd been allowed to team up, to really work together, we'd have probably had the world at our mercy. She was amazing, she was...

"After a year of secret meetings and cloak-and-dagger stuff, we decided to get married. My father wouldn't be around forever, so even though it would have to be secret for a long time to come... We loved each other. I still love her, not a day goes by when I don't think of her, dream of her..."

He paused for a minute, and pulled off one of his ever present black gloves. Underneath, exposed for the first time in as long as anyone could remember, was a gold band with diamond set in it. It wasn't lavish or fancy, but it was beautiful, and it gave Daevan's story a sense of being real that no one had felt yet. It wasn't just a tale of someone else, it wasn't as removed from him as his voice lead them to believe. This really had been his life.

"This was her ring, actually," he said. "Mine was..." he trailed off. "Well. Mercy and I were married. It was secret, just us and the priest who married us, and hard to keep that way. But we did, because I certainly wasn't going to let anything happen to her. I loved her. I... Gods, I loved her."

"We get it," Kaiya spat.

Daevan looked up at her, his eyes icy. "You owe her your life," he hissed. "If Mercy... If it hadn't been for her, I'd have killed him," he said, jerking a thumb towards Arant, "and handed you over to my father. I'd never have left the Bladedancers, so you owe her your godsdamned life!"

"And what about the part of my life I lost to the Bladedancers?" she demanded. "The twenty fucking years I was—"

"I don't give a damn about your life, Kaiya. You were a dumb whore when I met you, and now you're an annoyance to me, nothing more. But don't you ever forget that you owe your life to Mercy."

"The hell I do. I—

"Kaiya. Enough," Arant said, gently but firmly. He placed a hand on her shoulder, and she slumped in her chair.

"They took my life from me, Arant," she said softly. "My whole damned life."

"For what it's worth, I think they took his, too," Arant pointed out. "In a different way, but... I don't think anyone would argue that everything that happened to Daevan was healthy."

"Doesn't seem bad so far," Kaiya muttered.

"You didn't have to live it," Daevan said. "I was better off than you were. But then, so was everyone. And I won't apologize for that—but I did have to deal with my father. You want dangerous, you try that sometime. I did it for fucking years."

"And yet don't seem the worse for wear."

Daevan shut his eyes for a moment, debating silently, then reached up and pulled the side of his shirt over, revealing a handful of scars. No one was too surprised that a kid who'd grown up fighting wore the results in his skin, but Daevan traced one scar with his other hand, from underneath the cloth of his shirt somewhere on his stomach up his chest and on to his neck. It was an old, silvered scar, but clearly had been a hell of a gash at the time.

"I pissed Dad off a few times when I was younger. I think I got that one back during my Academy years... I was his son, he always decided to deal with me personally instead of sending Squad enforcers. And when he really lost his temper the fact that I was his son didn't matter anymore, he dealt with me the way he dealt with everyone else, if not worse.

"I wish he had sent Squad members to deal with me. A least they were afraid of what would happen if they accidentally killed me; they'd have been easier to deal with. Let me get away with more skin in tact." He shrugged. "I'm not saying I had a horrible life, especially not compared to yours. But it wasn't easy and despite popular rumor, I wasn't a prince."

He pulled his glove back on, after spending a moment to cast a long look at the ring. "Where was I?"

"You got married?"

"Right. Mercy and I got married in secret, and things were great—hectic, but great—for a few years. I also finally met the kid who, I think, was the best Squad member I had ever trained. He was young, like, really young—seven or eight, and a pickpocket. Kain caught him, was in a lousy mood and was going to execute him, but Mercy thought he was cute. He was half or a quarter Clansman, he reminded her of home, and so she liked him. So I stepped in and saved him, because I really would have done anything she asked me. His name was Gerick, and I began to train him. I figured having someone young could only be an asset; no one would have suspected anything...

"Gerick was a bright kid, too. I wonder what happened to him after I left. I imagine Kain killed him, as he was one of mine—my favorite. If I'd taken over the Empire, he'd have been to me what Kain was to Dad, and Kain didn't want anyone potentially loyal to me hanging around. So there was Gerick...

"Anyway, I guess was twenty-eight when the part of the story that you're really interested in got started. Somehow, Kaiya caught my Dad's eye. She was... At that time, she was just a Bladedancer whore." "Fuck you," Kaiya spat.

"Your shitty life is one thing you can't blame me for, really, but I know you will anyway." He shrugged. "But she was a whore, and Dad decided, for whatever reason, that she was his new favorite. And in the case of Kyrvan Bladedancer, no one wants to be in that situation. He... Calling him abusive would be an understatement, and personally, I don't know everything he did to her. Nor do I care to."

"Like you've never been cruel to a woman," Kaiya spat. "Abusive."

Daevan said nothing for a minute, then, "I've been abusive to more people than I care to think of. Regardless of gender."

"Fine," Kaiya said flatly. "Have you ever raped a woman?"

Kara stared at her, then at Daevan. His gray eyes clouded for a moment, and he nodded finally.

"Daevan?" she asked.

"I've done bad things, Kara, terrible things. I never wanted you to know about them... But I think now it's better that you hear them, from me. Yes, I've raped women. I've beaten women. I've killed them. Women. Children, sometimes. Men... Frequently.

"I've broken in to houses and killed men in the middle of the night, while their wives slept next to them. I've broken into houses and killed men while their families watched. Slit their throats, ear to ear, or if I was truly trying to inspire fear, I'd do as my father did—beat someone to the brink of death and then do him in. While his family watched, if I wanted word to get around.

"I've assassinated politicians, sometimes good men, because they were getting in my father's way. I've killed people to build a reputation and tortured people to maintain it. I never showed mercy to my enemies. I—"

"Enough!" Kara interrupted. "Enough. Gods, Daevan, why are you telling me this?"

"Because you wanted to know the truth. Since there's no way I can detail every death I caused, every wrong I did, all I can do is sum it up. I did terrible things, Kara. Worse than you can imagine. And I did them without flinching. I was damn good at what I did."

"And you're proud of it?" she demanded.

"I'm proud that I was the best, but not proud of what I was the best at. But there's no way for me to change the past now, and what I did is a part of me. I... I didn't tell you before because I didn't want you to know that side of me, you were the only one who didn't. The only one who trusted me... I realize now that I should have told you the truth, because now it's too late, and I've lost that trust. The least I can do is tell you who I really am. What I really am."

"And what are you?" she asked warily.

"I am... At least, I was back then... A cold blooded murderer, with no regard for human life, and no compassion for anyone except myself, and then myself and Mercy."

"And now?"

"Now?" he asked, suddenly unsure. "You know what? I have no idea what I am now."

Kara sighed. "Please, then... Just finish the story. What happened to Mercy? What did Kaiya have to do with anything?"

"Nothing, at first. Dad took to using Kaiya on a regular basis, and eventually wore down whatever sprit she'd had. She tried to kill herself one night, but failed. And it was around then that I met her... One of the things Mercy and I agreed on was that, well, we wouldn't get to see each other all that often, and so there was no reason to pretend it was a normal marriage. No reason for us to be... Exclusive.

"So one night, when I was feeling particularly like finding a woman and missing my wife, I went to make use of one of the Bladedancer run brothels. This was right around the time Kain executed Arant's father, and Arant had tracked him as far as Ledian City before losing the trail. And it happens that that's where Kaiya and I were. And by coincidence, it happens that, what do you know, the whore they show me to is our own dear Kaiya.

"I saw that she'd slit her wrists, and, well... She was a slave, when you get down to it. Her life didn't belong to her, it belonged to my father, and trying to escape that was the same as crossing the Master. I was Squad, I couldn't allow that. I... Made that clear to Kaiya. And, lucky for her, was interrupted—Mercy was in town after all, she'd just been called in by the Master to help plan his foray into Ahdab. She'd already planned the first stage for him, getting Kain into the city to deal with Arant's father, but this took more.

"So I left with Mercy, but not until after I made a completely stupid, amateur mistake. I let it slip who I was; I don't think I ever said my name, but I must have made it clear that I was the Master's son at some point. Because, later, Kaiya knew who I was.

"Again, luck was on her side. Not long after I left, Arant—very much in mourning, in the Pleasure Sect at Mythan's suggestion—was looking for someone to take his mind off of his father's murder. He didn't know one brothel from the next, had no idea that he'd wandered into a Bladedancer house, and was also shown to Kaiya. I imagine he never fucked her—probably still hasn't, knowing him—but that's his own business. He saw how miserable she was and helped her escape, and that made my father even more angry at the two of them.

"Now, perhaps a day later, Mercy said she was heading out for awhile and never came back. I didn't know where she'd gone and began to worry when she didn't come back for a full day; I began to check around, but no one had seen her. Finally, Dad summoned me...

"Gods, I remember that meeting so clearly. It's engraved in to my memory, no matter how hard I try to forget it, it'll always be there.... First he told me that, since Kain was now being tracked, he couldn't get back to Chyronia to finish what he'd started. That was up to me, with Mercy's help all of the arrangements had been made, and I left as soon as possible. I thought nothing of that.

"Then he told me she was dead. Off-handedly, as I was on my way out. He said Mercy was dead by Arant's hand. And I knew... I knew he was lying, but didn't want him to be. I was almost certain he'd killed her himself, but didn't want to believe my own father, depraved though he was, would have killed her because she married me. And I didn't even know if he knew we were married, so I couldn't react. I couldn't grieve. I made myself feel nothing, at that point, any human emotions I'd had before I pushed away, buried somewhere inside me. All I felt was anger, and I couldn't even... I didn't care what happened to me. She was dead, and she was the only person I'd ever cared about.

"So I just.... Left. I headed for Chyronia and began preparing.

"Arant had killed her, or so I believed—let myself believe—and I was going to make damned sure she was avenged. So when Arant and Kaiya arrived, I was ready. I knew I could kill Arant and bring Kaiya back to Dad in one move; I kidnapped her, sent him a message saying I'd let him trade his life for hers. I had no intention of actually letting her go, of course."

"Asshole," Kaiya muttered.

"Yeah, I was," Daevan admitted. "I didn't care. So Arant came in, just handed me his sword, asked only that he see her leave before I kill him. I showed her to him... I'd taken all of my bottled emotions out on her. It was wrong, I can admit that now, but I was within moments of killing her when I made myself leave her alone. She was probably closer to death then when Dad had hurt her.

"Arant figured real quick that I wasn't going to let her go, but asked me to anyway. Asked me to give her mercy... hearing him say that word, her name, I lost what little of my sanity I had left. I started screaming... 'How dare you say that name? You killed her, how dare you ask for mercy?' and I just kept screaming... I barely remember it, honestly, the whole night is a blur in my mind.

"I know I was violent, I know I was trying to kill him. I'm not sure exactly what happened—eventually I had him cornered. I was so close to killing him then and there, but he managed to get a word in edgewise. He asked how I was mourning so furiously. I told him he should know; he killed her, and he said he'd never killed anyone in his life.

"And then... Gerick was there. He told me he knew the truth, thought I should know the truth. He'd been the one who delivered the message to Mercy that the Master wanted to see her, he'd accompanied her... He'd been watching, spying, really. For me, since he knew I had a thing for her, even if I had been trying to hide it. Gerick was really the only person I trusted other than Mercy, the only one in the world.

"He told me it wasn't Arant. He'd seen Dad do it, just like he'd done to my mother years ago. Snapped her neck. Had Kain dispose of the body. He was doing it to test me, to see if I'd stay loyal to him no matter what. They were impressed when I didn't mourn for Mercy, they'd said, and were sure that trusting me to deal with Arant wouldn't be a problem.

"I wasn't surprised. I mean... I'd never really thought that Arant had killed her, but hadn't wanted to face the fact that my father had. But I loved Mercy, and now that I couldn't deny it... I told Arant to take his sword, his whore and get the hell out. He did. I sent Ger on his way before anyone could link him to me too strongly, and set the building on fire. And then I just sat there.

"Kain came and left. I told him to fuck off, that he should leave and give Dad a message. Tell him that he didn't have to worry about me anymore, to find another Heir. At that moment I was thinking... I don't know what I was thinking. Not even revenge, really, I was just watching the fire around me. Kain kicked me around a little; I only fought back enough to make him leave me alone. He took off to report to Dad, and I just sat there. Watched the fire.

"Arant... Arant came back in, looking for me. I don't know why to this day, I guess that's the difference between him and me. He was willing to risk his life for me, I never would have for him. He does good things for others, I ignore others." Daevan shrugged. "I told him to go protect Kaiya, Kain would probably grab her while he was wasting time with me. He asked who the kid I had been talking to was. he asked who I had lost that hurt so badly.

"So I told him. I let him pull me from the flames and told him that my wife was dead. I explained how much trouble she'd caused for him, that because she'd given out his country's secrets, his father was dead. He answered me... He said that because she'd died, I'd let him live. He forgave her for his father's sake.

"I didn't understand that, either. I'd never met anyone like Arant before... It was a real collision of worlds. I saw that I could trust him, because he wasn't part of my world. He was something else entirely... To this day, something I could never hope to achieve."

"Daevan," Arant mumbled, embarrassed. "I didn't do anything... Just my job."

"You were nice to me, Arant. Genuinely nice, with no reason to be and every reason not to. But you were anyway. You think that had ever happened to me before?"

"Well.... No, but... It wasn't really anything. Really."

Daevan shrugged. "It was something to me. He... He told me he would get Mercy's Clan to take her back, in memory, to give her a respectful burial, like she deserved. She always told me that, despite everything, she wanted to be buried with her Clan... And we didn't have her body, but Arant told me that if I had something we shared, if I buried it in her place, it would tie us together in the afterlife.

"All I had was my wedding ring. So first he took me to her Clan and convinced them... Somehow convinced them she'd died to save Arant, that she deserved to be recognized by them again, and buried. And then I buried the ring..."

"And the ring you're wearing?" Kara asked.

"Was hers. I got it back... Later," he said. "My own is still there. Still binding her to me for eternity. I hope, anyway... I never really believed in Heaven or Hell, but if going to either one reunites me with Mercy, I'd go willingly, right now. But it doesn't work like that for me, I didn't believe for so long, I can't just let my life go and hope.

"So we buried her, and I realized I had nothing left. Nowhere to go, no reason to go on. I didn't want to go on, really. I told Arant I would do whatever he asked of me, and lucky for me he told me to go to Mythan Albarin. Turn myself in. Explain what had happened, let Mythan decide what fate awaited me. He wished me luck and we parted ways.

"I did as he suggested, went to Mythan. But before I had even gotten in to Ledian, the assassins came. Dad didn't like that I had let his plans go to hell, and wanted to make sure I knew it, and that I knew I was out of the Bladedancers forever. In typical Bladedancer fashion by having his lackeys try and skin me.

"Aimless and suicidal, I was still better than they were; they slacked off soon, when I sent enough back to Dad dead. They still throw someone at me now and then, but a lot less often now... So I made my way to Ledian City, turned myself over to Mythan. I told him everything. And I fully expected to hang the next day... but he surprised me.

"He thought it would be better to put my rather specialized skills to use. And so the next chapter in my life began; I began working towards redemption at last, under his guidelines, but alone."