--In which some rescuing happens--

"Now, you promise that no matter what, you'll believe me?" he asked in desperation.
"Why wouldn't I believe you, Desmond?" sighed his girlfriend, lifting her fist and knocking on the door. "I know everyone thinks that their parents are the strangest beings alive, but it's usually-"
"No, that's not it, Molly!" he shouted, cutting her off.
"What's just what?" she asked, confused.
"Nevermind," he sighed. "You'll understand soon enough, or what's worse, if it could be, you won't."
"I'm sure I'll like your parents just fine," said Molly, trying to comfort him. "I've heard you're a lot like your father."
"Yes," Desmond retorted, rolling his eyes. "We're a little...TOO...similar..." The door creaked open.
"Desmond?" exclaimed his mother, opening the door. "Wow, you're getting big!" she added, pinching his cheek as annoyingly as she could. Desmond groaned and pouted. "And you must be Molly. Desmond's told us a lot about you. Well, come in. Sit down." Then she called back to her husband, "Paul! Desmond's here! And he's brought Molly too!"
"Please mom," Desmond muttered to her. "This is embarrassing enough..." His mother smirked deviously.
Desmond's father entered the room, brushing his hair, and kissed his wife's cheek. Molly looked very shocked, suddenly seeing what Desmond meant when he painfully commented that he and his father were a little too similar. They could've been brothers; twins perhaps.
"How could THEY possibly be YOUR parents?!" she muttered to him, "They're practically our age...it's impossible!"
"Didn't I tell you that he was a little TOO similar?" Desmond mumbled awkwardly. "But my parents are much older than they seem-"
"He's not kidding," his mother interrupted, hearing them. "We're actually dead. We died 28 years ago, if you include this one. However, as a rather fortunate result we don't age much."
"Though becoming a pair of walking compost heaps has become a constant threat..." Desmond remarked under his breath.
"We hope we didn't scare you too much," added his father. "We completely understand Des' situation -- and in fact pity him... To a large extent."
"I appreciate your sympathy," Desmond coughed sarcastically.
"You're welcome, Lollie Bear...." his father said with a twisted grin. Desmond's mother laughed at her husband's ruthlessness. Desmond gaped and made a slight, but completely incoherent, sound. Molly smiled with delight.
"DAD!" Desmond finally squeaked out of his utter shock and embarrassment.
"Well, I have to be leaving now," said Molly, smiling. "Don't worry, you didn't scare me, but I'm already late for practice. Nice meeting you."
"Oh yeah, Molly is a singer in a band," Desmond added, slightly recovering.
As Molly headed for the door, and Desmond's parents were too caught up in their great performance so they were looking deep into each others eyes, and not at them, she whispered the words. "I like then a lot. They're nice." Then she left, sweetly saying, "See you tomorrow, Lollie Bear!"
When it looked as though the coast was clear, Desmond let out a huge sigh of relief. He plopped himself down in a chair and his parents grinned. "Desmond's got a girlfriend! Desmond's got a girlfriend!" They sang annoyingly.
"Oh, just shut up!" he shouted irritably.
"Hey! Is he allowed to talk to his parents that way?" his father asked his mother.
She shook her head. "I didn't think so."
"If you two would actually act like parents once in a while, instead of juvenile delinquents -- especially when it's important -- I might feel obligated to treat you like parents."
"I hardly believe that I act like a delinquent," his mother objected. Desmond and his father glared at her.
"And who had to bail who out of prison last week?" her son asked.
"But that was a matter of life and death!" she protested. "I deserve better treatment than this, don't I Paul?"
"Just admit it Polly," he said. "We're no good as parents..."
"And we tried so hard to raise him to be just like us!" she sobbed.
"I'm beginning to feel that you did," Desmond muttered. "And don't start pulling that guilt trip stuff on me. Most of the time I'd agree that parents usually do know better than their children, but this family is an entirely different case. See, I know I'm right." There was a knock at the door. Desmond's mother got up and opened it to reveal a strangely familiar-looking man, who was wearing a lab coat.
"Polly?!" the man greeted, "You look exactly the same!"
"Jack?!" she answered back, "You look weird!"
"Come downstairs," he said. "We're on a mission."
"Oooh, a mission...after all these years!" Paul said in a cheesy way.

Jack, Polly, and Paul, followed by a confused-looking Desmond, made their way downstairs to find a weird couch. The King was standing by it, talking to a man and a strangely familiar woman.
"Polly?!" asked the woman. "You look exactly the same!"
"Who're you?" Polly asked, "You look so familiar, but I just can't seem to-"
"JESSIE!" the woman shouted, "Your best friend, Jessie! Or at least I was until HE came along!" she screamed, pointing an accusing finger at Paul, who just looked behind him, hoping that she wasn't yelling at him.
"Jessie!" Polly exclaimed, hugging her. "Your accent's gone!" "After nine chapters you notice," she muttered. "Oh, yeah, this is Arthur, my husband," she added, pointing at Arthur. "Arthur, this is Polly. I believe you've met Paul, and -- who's THAT?" she said, noticing Desmond.
"Oh," Polly laughed. "That's just Desmond."
"Please mom... I don't want to meet anymore of your weird friends!" he groaned, trying to get away.
"Mom?" Jessie laughed, "So, how many more of them are there?"
"Jessie!" muttered Polly, "He's the only one... well, besides Julia..."
"Yes!" exclaimed Arthur, "Which is why we're here. Jack's been goofing with the space-time continuum, and has found a way to go back in time to save Itsy and Julia."
Desmond looked up, realizing that if Julia didn't die, there would be a good chance never would've been born. "But... What about... Me...?" he mumbled sadly. "I mean, I do joke around about wishing that I'd never been born, but still..."
"Oh, sorry Des." said Polly. "I guess we'll just save Itsy. How 'bout it, Jack?"
Jack replied. "Time travel is a very delicate matter and the procedures taken must be carefully planned out. We could become aquatinted with such side-effects as paradoxes and other immoral defects of a-" But as he was pointlessly rambling on, they all piled on the couch. Jack hopped in, not wanting to be left behind. "But the paradoxes!" he screamed, "The immorality of time-travel!"

With a blink of an eyelid, the crew on the couch suddenly found themselves in the exact same place, but most obviously a different time. The room was no longer made of a beautiful shiny glass, but in it's original state of sandiness, indicating it's pre-fire time.
"We have to hide the couch," reminded Arthur. "Someone might notice it." They dragged the couch behind a curtain, where it bulged out very obviously. Everyone turned to leave.
"Ya know, I think someone might notice it a little more when it's not only there, but poorly hidden!" muttered Desmond, rather loudly.
"Nonsense," said Polly. "I can't see it."
"Me neither," George added.
Desmond shook his head and thought, "If THEY can't notice it, their scary younger versions will probably react the same way." He let out a sigh, and followed them outside.
It was a wonderful, golden summer afternoon. The sun was just getting ready to set. You could hear birds chirping, see children playing, and you could smell the smoke of... wait a minute... smoke?!
Jessie was the first to observe the smoke. "Where's that smoke coming from?"
"Ono!" shrieked Polly. "It's the castle! We're too late!" She ran around the corner to see three little cheese-weasels dancing around.
"We did it! We did it!" sang the weasels happily. Their celebration was interrupted by an enraged Polly, who couldn't stand the sight of the cheesy little critters who'd caused her years of misery. She took the one known as Cheddar by the throat, and squeezed with all her might. As the weasel gasped for air, Polly threw him violently into the fire. This scared away the other two weasels, who ran as far away from the crazed, maniac lady as their cheesy feet could take them.
She smiled after her revenge had been completed, but Jack charged around the corner and shouted, "NO! Look what you've done! What have I been saying?! TIME-TRAVEL IS IMMORAL! STUPID PARADOXES!"
"SHUT UP, JACK!" Polly shouted back. That dumstupid, freakish blob of mold deserved it! I had to!"
Jack mumbled, but George ran in, panicking.
"Come on!" he yelled, "We have to find Itsy! Everyone split up!"
And so they did. Jack told them to be careful, and not to talk to people from the past. No one listened to Jack.

Jack walked slowly and cautiously though the castle. "...mumble mumble mumble SPAM mumble Stupid paradoxes mumble mumble llama mumble immorality of time-travel..." he mumbled.

The King, remembering where Itsy was, disguised himself in an old beggar's robe and found Itsy reading a book. He remembered her being there when he gave her the news about the cheese-weasels being defeated.
"Hello," George said, disguising his voice by making it lower. "Have you seen the King?"
"No, but he must be around here some place," she replied awkwardly, and stared at him for a moment. "You look awfully familiar. Do I know you?"
George stuttered. "Um... Yes... Actually, much better than you think."
"Really?" she said. "Who are you?"
"It doesn't matter, it really doesn't matter." he replied, "But I have warn you that you must-"
He was cut off when George from-the-past* burst in though the door. "It's over, Its!" exclaimed George FTP, "The weasels are defeated!" He ran over to Itsy, picked her up, and swung her around. "Who's this?" he asked, noticing old 'beggar' George. Itsy shrugged.
George FTF's stomach growled with nervousness.

Meanwhile, Arthur's stomach growled too. "I'm so hungry!" he complained, as he and Jessie were passing by the kitchen. "Can't we get something to eat while we're here?"
"Arthur," groaned Jessie. "You just ate!"
"Couldn't I just snag a sandwich or something?" he pleaded.
"Oh, fine!" she muttered, giving up.
Arthur ran into the kitchen, where he was stopped by a cook. "Hey, wuddaya think yer doin' in here?!" she demanded.
Jessie, remembering playing soccer with the cook years ago said, "Becca? You're a cook?"
The cook obviously didn't recognize Jessie, and shouted, "Who're you? And how do you know my name?"
"JESSIE!" she screamed, "Why can't anyone remember me?!"
"Oh, said Becca the cook. "Sorry, Jessie. Anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," replied Arthur. "I think she's hungry. Do you think you could get us some sandwiches?"
"But I'm not hungry-" Jessie started, but gave up.
"Sure," said Becca. "No problem."

Polly was thoroughly enjoying herself in the meantime, while she began breaking gaudy, yet very valuable items around the castle. She did this just in spite of Jack's numerous and annoying warnings.
"Hey, who's making all that noise?!" shouted Paul from around the corner of the hallway.
"Just me, dearest!" Polly quickly answered. "I'm just clumsy, that's all."
"Maybe you should sleep," he called back, then appeared in the hallway with her. Somehow she could tell that it wasn't Paul FTF, but it was Paul FTP, but she didn't know quite how she was able to make the distinction. He looked around in shock. "Polly?! What'd you do?! George is gonna be-"
"Don't worry. The future must be changed to annoy Jack, George will understand," she said.
"Huh?" he asked, very confused, but then he decided that she probably was right. But he was still confused, so he reasoned that he should steal Polly's hat while he had the opportunity. He did so, and smirked.
"Paul!" she shrieked, "Come on!" She tried to grab back her precious beret.
"Alright, fine," he said, giving her back the black hat, "But now I get a kiss."
"But wouldn't your wife mind?" Polly laughed, knowing that he was Paul FTP, and not her Paul FTF. This, of course, confused him.
"Quoi?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said as he closed in for a kiss. Suddenly they heard a visciosly loud, shrill scream. They both turned around to see Polly FTP, who had fainted, and was lying on the floor.
"Quoi?!" asked Paul, looking even more confused. Polly FTF almost fainted as well when she saw Paul FTF coming towards them.
"Paul," she hissed. "Get back!"
"Quoi?!" both Pauls asked, extremely confused.
"Will you stop saying that?!" she screamed at both of them.

George was meanwhile having his own difficulties trying to convince his other self to get Itsy and the kids out of the castle.
"Why should we believe you?" asked George FTP.
"Because we'll all be dead if you don't!" shouted George FTF.
"Maybe we should get the kids out," Itsy said. "Just in case."
"Alright," sighed George FTP.
"ALRIGHT!" exclaimed George FTF, leading them out the door. Passing by the kitchen, they heard the words, "Great Sandwich!"

"What's in this?" Arthur asked.
"Perfectly normal beast," answered Becca.
"Never heard of that," remarked Jessie.
"Maybe I'll become a sandwich maker..." thought Arthur as a cloud of smoke came rushing though the kitchen.
"Is that my souffle?" screamed Becca.
"Wait!" remembered Jessie, "The Weasels!" They ran out of the castle to watch it burn.

Polly FTP had regained consciousness, but was trying to convince herself otherwise. She finally came up with a reasonable explanation for the other Polly. "She's a witch!" she screamed. "Burn 'er, burn 'er, burn 'er at the stake!"
Polly FTF found her explanation a little too funny, because she had already known that was the same thing she would've said, had she been in that situation. She began to cackle as deviously as she could to freak her old self out.
"But... If she's a witch, would that make me a warlock?" asked one of the Pauls, "Or would he be?"
"Neither of you could be," said Polly FTP. "You're both too cute."
"Well, if she IS a witch, she's got me under her spell," said one Paul shmarmilly. The Pollys glared.

Desmond was impatiently waiting to leave when he heard a crying baby. He walked towards the sound, discovering the child in a small crib in his parent's room. "Julia?" he thought, and reached into the crib to pick up his 'big' sister. The baby stopped crying and began to giggle cutely. Desmond felt his heart sink, realizing that she was destined to die shortly. She doesn't HAVE to die, you know. I can save her. he thought, but another part of him said, "Shut up! I'm safe this way!" The room began to fill with smoke. His mind began to race, clouded with a million different thoughts at once, and he finally took the baby and ran. "I can't believe I'm doing this!"

George FTF had successfully saved Itsy, and everyone was safe. He went back to meet everyone at the couch when he ran into Arthur and Jessie. Then Jack spotted them. "Where's Polly and Paul?" he asked.
"Haven't seen them," said Jessie.
"Me neither," added George.
"Oh, great!" muttered Jack, running to find them.

"But she's a witch, I tell you! A witch!" insisted Polly FTP.
"I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!" said Polly FTF. The two Pauls looked at each other and smiled.
"Well, let's see," said Paul FTF as he picked up Polly FTF. "Nope, more than a duck, I'd say."
Jack ran in, mumbling, "...mumble mumble mumble stupid paradoxes mumble mumble SPAM mumble..." He looked at the Pauls and Pollys, and dragged away Paul and Polly from-the-future.
"How could you tell us apart?" asked Paul, who had Polly draped over his shoulder, and was being dragged away by Jack.
"You, my shmarmy friend, have a temporary distortion field around you." He answered, then went back to mumbling.
Paul pondered this in vain, though finally just accepted it because he was terribly fed up with being chronically confused.
Desmond came running past them, holding Julia. He looked at his parents and rolled his eyes. Then he went over to Polly and Paul from-the-past, and handed them the baby. "Get the brat outta here," he smiled. "The castle's on fire."
"Oh, Desmond!" sighed Polly FTF from her husband's shoulder. "You're as bad as your father." Then she added to Paul, "If you drop me, I'm gonna-"
"Don't say that mom," Desmond complained.
"Say what? That I'll slam your father into a large brick wall after running over him with a steam-roller and amputating his toes with a pair of pinking shears and force him to watch as I stab the remains with toothpicks?"
"No," he whined. "But... Ewwww! How did you dream up THAT punishment?"
"Dunno, just seemed disturbingly appropriate." she replied, and ran her fingers through her husband's hair.
"However, please don't say I'm as bad as he is! Though I think a good beating would do him a world of good."
"I heard that, young man!" said Paul.

They were all back together, and finding the couch, they discovered that it had been engulfed in flames. They tried desperately to save it, but all that remained was ashes. "What are we going to do?!" cried Jessie, "We'll be burned to death!"
"Oh, well!" said both Polly and Paul, smirking smugly.
"This is not the time!" shouted George. "We're all gonna die!"
"Yeah, guys!" sulked Desmond. "I can only hope you've given me a fire-friendly genetic makeup!"
"WHAT HAVE I BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT PARADOXES?!" screamed Jack. "TIME-TRAVEL IS IMMORAL!" Then they were all trapped by the flames, and faced the fiery face of death.
As the fire died down, Polly and Paul awoke from their short period of real deadness. They were hardly effected by the fire, and felt rejuvenated. They looked at the gory sight around them. Everyone else was dead. Really dead.
"Nooo!" Polly cried. "This didn't happen! Paul, tell me it didn't!"
"It didn't," he said softly.
"Paul!" screamed Polly. "How can you?! This is serious! Everyone's dead!"
"Not really," he said, even softer, with a hint of shmarm. "It doesn't matter. It's not serious at all. There's only one thing-"
"PAUL!" she screamed angrily. "SHUT UP!"
"Polly, the past has changed. They won't have to come here in the future. They're still alive, their younger versions anyway -- except for Desmond, but I'm almost positive he'll be back either way. It's alright, Polly. But everyone else is fine, except for us."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"We're trapped here," he explained, "There's no way for us to get back."
"Oh," she said sadly. Suddenly, VERY old Jack appeared with the couch. He looked around.
"I'm not supposed to be here! I should be inside the hull of Discovery! Dang it!"
"JACK!" exclaimed Paul and Polly joyfully.
"Huh, what?" he asked, looking confused. "Oh, hi guys! What are you doing inside the hull of Discovery?"
"You're not in the hull of Discovery," said Paul.
"I'm not?" he asked. "I have to get there then."
"NO, JACK! WAIT!" they screamed, but were too late. He'd already left.
"Now what are we going to do?" asked Polly, sobbing.
"Something will come along," comforted Paul, and the door burst open. In came two people in bright yellow shirts, yellow sunglasses, and even yellow skin and hair.
"Here comes the sun, du du du du, here comes the sun-" they sang.
"Hey!" Paul interrupted. "You're not who's supposed to come!"
"Sorry," they said.
As they began to leave, Paul repeated himself loudly, "Something will come!" They turned back around, and began to sing again.
"Something in the way she-"
"Not again!" Polly complained. They stopped and sulked out.
A small bubble floated up to them. It grew bigger and bigger until Glinda, the good witch, appeared and threw a pair of ruby slippers at Polly. She was about to explain the correct magic slipper procedure, but decided that it was a bit over-done and gave up. "Oh, you know what to do," she said, and left.
Just as Polly was about to put on the slippers, Itsy's sister Dorothy charged into the room and grabbed the slippers. "I've been lookin' for those!" she said angrily, then charged back out in a huff.
"What next?!" cried Polly, burying her head into Paul's shoulder.
Then 60 YOJ came on the couch. "It's about time!" said Paul.
"What?!" screamed 60 YOJ, looking at his dead body on the floor. "I'm dead!"
"60 YOJ! You're fine!" screamed Polly, "We have to go back!"
"Oh, yeah! Okee-doke!" he said. "Come on, you guys! Hop on!" As 60 YOJ got back on the couch, he accidentally stepped on a small cockroach, or maybe it was a beetle. Either way, it's name was Eddie, and it was one of King George's distant relatives, most likely being of the evil breed. But in that sense, it was probably all for the better that it'd been put out of it's misery. Polly, Paul, and Jack all piled onto the couch, and got back to where they once belonged.