THE PROLOGUE (sorta thingy) -
If it hadn't been for the hat, none of this would've happened. Except, as it was, the hat DID fall straight into King Stikibunz VI's lap, and he took it to be a prophesy. What he thought, but was dead wrong about, was that it meant one of his descendants would find the long-lost princess of Somewhereorother and rescue her from that Nonsense. And she'd marry the current King of Blushionoa, her rescuer, of course.
Unfortunately, that was not quite what it meant...
THE LAMPSHADE INVASION
It happened like this...
Itsy was asleep, George was tired, but doing administrative work (he was the King, afterall,) Polly and Paul -- whether or not they were asleep or awake remains unknown, but they were in bed, either way; and Jack was on Pluto. That left Jessie alone and horribly depressed.
"Night is the worst time of day for me," Jessie sighed. "I lie here in bed, wondering if anyone would really notice if I never got up again. Then again, mornings when I have to get up aren't so great, and I loathe lunch time... that stupid kid with the stupid bag. He has problems. Well, I guess night is AMONG the worst times of day for me."
With that, she rolled out of bed and left the room. Then she left the Sand-Castle-on-a-cloud-smack-dab-in-the-middle-and-above-the-Kingdom-of-the-Sun entirely. It was the second time she'd tried to leave, however, she doubted the Narrator would be kind enough to let it work.
Anyway, she left. On her way down the flimsy rope latter to the ground, her hat fell off. (and out of sight.) That depressed her greatly, especially because she had hat-hair. What was just as much, if not more, was the army gathered underneath the castle. They had lots of pointy objects.
"Hark, who goeth thereth?" asked a royal Shakespearean guard. He was not an actor, he only played one on TV. Jessie sighed.
"Speakest thou into mine hand." she replied, though her Transilvanian accent made the line sound even sillier. "The name's Jessie -- What IS all this, anyway?" She motioned around the crowd of armour wearing people. Actually, it was just helmets. Okay, so in reality they weren't even helmets, they were lampshades, due to cutback on funding for this story.
"An invasion! By the Royal Lampshade Invaders of Blushionia, and we're here to rescue the long-lost princess from all this Nonsense!" he said, entusiastiastically. "And you're our first prisoner. Oh, I'm so proud!"
"You need an analyst," Jessie muttered. "A psycho-analyst. I really must insist that you need a psycho-analyst." She would've started singing, but songs depressed her, so she stopped.
Then the guard and a few handy infinite monkies (not fishes though. they were still with Oniichan,) brought her to a 'jail,' which was actually a meadow full of daisies and buttercups. You know, the kind of meadow that encourages slow-motion scenes of barefooted hippie-chicks running to greet their true love who she believed dead, but had miraculously appeared back from Vietnam? Well, something like that, anyway.
"Waitest thou herest for the King's divine judgement upon thee, and other wordeths that endeth with -eth," the guard said, and left. That depressed Jessie some more, that he didn't even stay to guard her. However, she was so depressed that her sunglasses made the daisies and buttercups look black that she didn't bother leaving.
Elsewhere, the lampshade's King, King Kiki of Blushionia, examined the hat. It was a jester's hat with three flimsy points on it, made of three different kinds of fabric. In the lining there was a label:
Somehow, according to his great-great grandfather, that meant that he was supposed to rescue a princess from Somewhereorother (Stikibunz was never very good with directions,) and save her from that Nonsense. Who she was remained unknown, along with precisely how he'd gotten the hat.
"Sir, I possetheth greath news. We hath taken a prisoner!" the guard exclaimed, forgetting he was Shakespearean.
"Right... I guess I'll go interrogate her," Kiki sighed, and walked off towards the meadow. He arrived to see Jessie looking very depressed, lying in the grass. He gasped, and she looked up and gasped too.
In slow-motion, he began to run to her as she kicked off her shoes, jumped up, and ran barefooted towards him. He caught her in his arms and they would've kissed, except they then realized that they weren't long-lost loves, separated by Vietnam, and she wasn't a hippie-chick, and he was too much of a wuss to be a solider. "Oh, sorry," he apologized.
"Great, now I'm depressed," she muttered and began looking for her shoes. She suspected the Narrator had hidden them. However, the Narrator decided to be nice (temporarily) and she found them without too much trouble. As she put them back on, Kiki noticed her jester's outfit, sans-hat. (She still had a bad case of hat-hair.)
"Hey, your outfit! You... you're a jester! And it matches!" Kiki yelled, then realized he was very incoherent, and blushed. (You know he was from Blushionia for a reason.) "I mean, uh, describe this hat."
Jessie gave him a strange look, as he was holding the hat, HER hat, in front of him. "Oh, you found it. Gads, that's depressing." she sighed. "It's got three floppy points and it's made of three different fabrics. Even if it wasn't mine, I could've told you that. Does the word 'duhh' mean anything to you?"
"What? Oh... yeah," Kiki blushed some more through his lampshade (which, by the way, said PARTY HARDY in bold letters,) and hid the hat behind his back, then said, "NOW describe the it."
"Well... it's got three floppy points, and it's made of three different fabrics," she sighed, depressed.
"Right! Amazing! You've GOT to be the long-lost princess of Somewhereorother!" Kiki exclaimed. "Oh, wait. Describe the label."
"Uhh," Jessie thought, then realized that it would probably be Polly's standard label because she'd designed the costume, and Jessie described it.
"Yes! Exactly! You must be Princess NeB!" he said. "Which means that I can rescue you from this Nonsense, and go get married! Oh, I love you so!"
"Gee, I love you too, but my name's Jessie... OW!" she yelled, as he twacked her. "What was that for?!"
"Ancient custom," he replied. and she twacked him back.
"There's one more thing, though," she said. "My name's Jessie, not NeB." That depressed her even more. (She'd almost been happy, thinking she was someone's long-lost love and a princess.)
"Oh," Kiki replied and stopped twacking her. "Then what does this NB mean?"
"Ellie Bishop... it would be too hard to explain," Jessie sighed. "I suppose SHE'S your princess."
"But it's your hat!" Kiki said, confused. (Almost as confused as he was when Whatshername was having an affair with her own husband.) "But... I guess yeah, probably that Ellie person."
"Funny, Polly isn't a princess either," Jessie groaned, now extremely depressed, and led the way up the rope latter to the castle. By now, it was morning and everyone was awake. (Although there still remains the mystery about if Paul and Polly ever did go to sleep.)
**NARRATOR'S NOTE: Bite me! It's funny! **
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